The Call of Motherhood

My son's yaya of nine months went abroad to seek greener pastures. This was in April when I was at the height of losing my mind due to stress working on my thesis dissertation for my Masters in early childhood education. 

Breathe in.

A replacement yaya came and I resumed my work although it took time for the adjustments to be made plus the requisite training of the new yaya.

Breathe out.

The husband of the new yaya came storming to our house around 12 midnight, drunk, demanding to see his wife and wanting to make sure that his wife goes home to their town to take care of their sick child. Yaya went home. Thesis work stalled.

Breathe in.

A week later a new yaya was presented. She was only 17 and I was hesitant so I took my time to observe how she deals with my son. Not really ideal but she was kind-hearted so I thought to myself that she's trainable. I resumed work.

Breathe out.

Less than a week, she asked permission to go home because she's suffering from her yearly asthma attacks. What else can you do but let her go? 

Breathe in.

The deadline came for submission for my final defense and I was beginning to act crazy. I believed I looked crazy, too. And there he was, my innocent son crying and wanting to be held and I was crying and saying, "I'm sorry, baby, later lang please. Ga work pa si Mom." I distinctly remember asking someone, " Kuha-a nyo di sya anay ho palihog kay ga obra pa ko." And I looked his way and he was crying and I really felt that he understood what my statement really meant: that he was getting in the way. It killed me but I turned away still and carried on with my work. Eventually, he started playing with his cousin but I know we were both scarred by the incident. 

During this time, I was a solo parent, too, because his Dad was out-of-town for a series of basketball tournaments. Things weren't really ideal but I know it's not an excuse to renege on one's duties to be a parent. But, it was so difficult. I couldn't even afford to cry anymore because that would mean a waste of energy which I likewise badly needed to sustain taking care of my son until bedtime. And then wake up early in the morning again before he wakes up to prepare all his things for school. Lately, because of his renewed separation anxiety, he wanted me inside the classroom, too. Likewise, I couldn't function as directress of our preschool, too. 

But I am a mother. How I wish it were a full-time job. How I wish I had more than enough money to raise my son and afford him a comfortable living without having to work or further my career. How I wish I can just spend the whole day with him without having to worry about deadlines. How I wish I was just that: a mother.

But I am more than a mother. I am a mother with a mission. I was destined to work on something that would hopefully inspire change in the mindset of parents in the way they educate their children. I cannot wrest this away from myself. I am who I am now, including the mother that I am, because of who I am as a person and what I believe in and stand for. I just  pray that my son will understand. He's three years old now and he has grown to be a loving boy. 

In retrospect, after that incident, I approached him and hugged him and said sorry. He just looked at me and hugged me back. He didn't smile because he said he wasn't ready yet. :) But then we played again and had a fun time and I finally saw that smile that brightens my day.

Breathe out.

No to Domestic Violence!

As a former Senate legislative staff officer, I had the great opportunity to not only do library work but talk to stakeholders directly concerning issues about the youth, women, and children, to include domestic violence. Focusing on children's development and education for the past years, I haven't talked about domestic violence in quite a long time until yesterday when I heard about the sad news about the senseless death of a relative of mine, who apparently used to stay with us when she was younger, in the hands of her common-law husband. She was six months pregnant and the baby died, too. It gave me chills thinking about how she was battered to death by that one person who was supposed to love her and protect her and how she was apparently hit in the abdomen so hard that their baby died in her womb as well. How could someone human do that? This prodded me to write this poem in Hiligaynon to express my indignation to such horrendous act by such a soul-less person. No woman, most especially pregnant, should be subjected to this kind of treatment, ever!

Huo, Kusog Ka Ya

Jorvelyn Jaruda-Espinosa, April 18, 2015

Written as a tribute to a relative and to all victims of domestic violence

Wala sang pangduwa-duwa

Huo, kusog ka ya.

Mataas ka kag mabukod,

Pwersado kag mabaskog.

Huo, kay kusog ka ya.

Tagahatag ka sang kwarta sa imo pamilya -

para makakaon,

para may panapton.

Huo, kay kusog ka guid ya.

Nagabaka-baka ka obra para katibawas

pero nagakakapoy man gali ang imo lawas.

Huo, pero mas kusog ka guihapon ya.

Kaya mo pa magpahubog

Kaya mo pa gani mag-droga

Kaya mo magwaldas sang kwarta

Kay man, huo, mas kusog ka guid ya.

Ti, nga-a kinanlan mo guid sakiton

ang maluya mo nga asawa?

Nga-a bugbugon sang tuman

nga bal-an mo gabusong pa?

Nga-a? Tungod mas kusog ka ya?

Huo, mas kusog ka na gani.

Ara na gani ho; lantawa.

Nahamyang ang imo asawa

kay mahina sya ya.

Kaupod sang inyo tani nga mangin puya.

Ti, kay mas kusog ka ya mo!

Ikaw na lang da ah. Daog ka na.

Huo, kay mas kusog ka ya.

What To Prepare for Bucari, Leon

Bucari, Leon, Iloilo is dubbed as the "Summer Capital of Iloilo," akin to Baguio City in the North as the Summer Capital of the Philippines. They both share the blessings of cool weather, a forest of pine trees, and lush agricultural produce. For the longest time, Leon fruits and vegetables have been famous in the city for being pesticide-free and chemical-free. Their mangoes rival that of Guimaras'. They even have a rice-terraces-like plantation for their vegetables. Lately, Leon is now growing strawberries! Indeed, it has earned its monicker as our very own "Little Baguio."

If you do plan to visit Bucari during the day and experience Baguio in Iloilo, here are some tips that you may want to take heed:

1. Check the weather. If there's any hint or possibility of rain, don't go. The road going to Bucari is not only steep and narrow, it is very rough. And when I say rough, I mean very, very, very rough. The muddy and slippery road will be very dangerous and I fear the possibility of a landslide. Best time to go, summer!

2. Plan your itinerary well. Better depart the city early. It would take approximately one hour from the city to Leon and another hour going to Bucari. Our itinerary involved going to the Bucari Pine Forest campsite first where we had our lunch. Then, we proceeded to Imoy Falls. Allot some extra time on your way back because you will be sidelined by all the fresh produce that you will pass by along the road and you couldn't resist to buy! Leave Bucari before it gets dark if you have no plans of staying overnight. If you plan to stay overnight, you can do so at the Bucari Pine Forest campsite. Just bring a tent with you! When we went there, the delegates of the Girl Scouts of the Philippines were just leaving. Don't expect luxurious provisions. The bathrooms are tolerable since there was ample supply of water. If you're not into camping, check out Pineridge Resort, the same owner of Casa Fiammetta. You have to book ahead of time, though, should you wish to stay there.

3. 4x4 vehicle is a must! Oh, and a good driver. Thank goodness we rode the Mitsubishi Strada going there. And my hubby is a very meticulous and careful driver (especially since our son and I were onboard). You will realize how helpful it would be having a 4x4 should you decide to go to Brgy. Camandag where the Imoy Falls are located. Otherwise, better hire a jeepney with an experienced driver, someone who is from Leon and knows the terrain of the place. I don't have any tips if you plan on commuting. I suggest that you get in touch with the LGU of Leon so you can arrange for a transportation from the city to avoid any hassle. Although, I know that some of my companions from Tigbauan took the Tigbauan-Leon jeepney and joined us at the Leon town proper. You could probably make arrangements there as soon as you arrive.

4. Fees to prepare. Apart from your transportation fees, prepare for the following: entrance at the campsite (donation only) and Php 50 if you get a table. If you wish to venture further to the neighboring Barangay to swim at the Imoy Falls, prepare for a Php20/ person entrance fee and a tour guide fee (unfortunately, I forgot to ask!). Better check with the LGU of Leon.

5. Fruits and vegetables to check out: they have eggplants, sayote, calamansi, tomatoes, radish, pechay, cabbage, mangoes, to name a few. The Orchard Valley Farm of the Que family has the lettuce and strawberry farm but you can't go there without permission from their main office. Remember: the fruits and vegetables will be irresistible so bring extra bags or baskets to carry your pasalubong!

6. Clothing. It could get chilly so bring a light jacket with you. If you decide to go the falls, bring swimwear, aqua shoes/socks with you, and change of clothes. There's no bathroom in the falls area so a malong would be an ideal companion to cover you while getting undressed/dressed.

7. Bring food and water. In keeping with nature preservation, a boodle fight type food preparation is ideal so there's no wastage and plastic used. There's a store where you can buy some snacks but prepare to pay a little more that what you're used to paying in the city.

8. Cellphone signal is not good in some parts so prepare to be ex-communicado at some points.

9. Commune with nature. More than taking pictures, marvel at the wonderful sight before you. And may it inspire you to take good care of Mother Nature.

sacrifice

And so it's Easter and everyone is heralding a change of heart and a new life. The priest in the homily today mentioned that other people are taking this literally - some are now sporting a new hairstyle and new pedicured nails. Hmm, I never thought of that but it's an interesting thought. I should probably have my hair dyed to a lighter color. And straighten it. Oh, wait. This new change costs much. Nah. I'll think of something else.

Anyway, yes, it's Easter, and the week before was Holy Week. Everybody is in the retreat, repent, and sin-no-more mode. It also seemed that everybody was giving up something or abstaining from something as a form of sacrifice. In my case, I gave up technology, specifically mobile phones and social media, for almost two days. Food, the usual - no meat. But since I do it on a conscious level especially with my diet and exercise, I felt it wasn't really sacrifice. 

But, well, this is sacrifice. 

It was Easter Vigil last Saturday at Santa Maria Parish, Gen. Blanco St., Iloilo City, where I serve as a choir member. Been serving the parish since 2000 and Holy Week is one of the busiest times to be serving. Easter Vigil Mass starts at 7PM and ends two hours later. Snacks were prepared for us before the mass and dinner after the mass. I found out that we had burgers from Love 'n Kisses, a famous local pizza place, as our snacks so I grabbed one and thought of sharing it with my husband later and proceeded to the dining hall for our dinner. I only had a small plate of spaghetti. I was so excited to fetch my hubby and share the burger with him because I haven't tried it yet. 

Lo and behold! There were two boys who presented themselves as having watched over my car at the parking lot. Since I don't give money as alms as a matter of principle and based from my series of bad experiences with beggars in the past, I had no choice but to give up my burger. I looked at it long and hard and said to myself: "It's alright. I can buy my own burger and I've just had a plate of spaghetti. They need it more than I do." So, I gave it to one of the boys and told him to share it with the other boy. Oh boy! He just got it from me and without smiling said a faint "thank you" and didn't call the other boy to share it with him! The other boy had to run after him! I was looking at them as I was driving away and muttered: "Sigh. Okay. I shared it with him and now he doesn't want to share it with others."

Should I really expect people to act in a certain way? Did I judge that boy correctly? What if he was really hungry? What if he was also denied food to be shared previously? What if he was actually pissed off at me for giving him food instead of money? When you give up something, do you really want the assurance that it was given up for a good reason? Or, do you just give it up and let go of it and not mind whatever happens to it?

When Jesus died for our sins, He knew exactly what He was doing. There was, however, no guarantee that we would all believe in Him and thank Him. Yet, He still did it. He just did it anyway.  

For love.

a little sunshine

today is not only a national holiday (ninoy aquino day) in the philippines, it's also a stormy day. typhoon maring is wreaking havoc in manila and other parts of luzon, endangering the lives of so many people there. i just pray that they heed the warnings of their local officials and evacuate as soon as possible while there is still time and sunshine. the incessant rains are causing everyone quite a strain in their rescue operations.

well, off to some little sunshine in an otherwise dreary day. i was so amused to find an old picture of my husband in a webpage while i did some narcisurfing (to include that of my hubby hehehe). look what i found! 

http://www.queenchesca.20megsfree.com/custom4.html

this is one of the few parts of my hubby's life that i didn't know having met him later in life. so nice to see him in his younger days (Batangas Blades) with fans. better check the link and find out what the blogger had to say about him. ;)