This brings me back to an unpublished post I made months back, when the recent Bar Exam results came out. Although already not a teenager when I started my fascination with failing the Bar Exams, (of course, I am describing it in jest!:), I still find my post relevant to the topic of the town. After all, these were no ordinary failures. But I survived.
Bar Exams Memories
I failed the Bar not just once, not twice, not even thrice...I failed it four times. Yes sirree! Four. But I hope I stop counting there! (Either because I will not take it anymore so I would peg my number at 4 or because in the event that I attempt to take it again, I will pass it!)
Sigh. The thing with having taken it several times is that you get jaded. I think I have a calloused heart already. I can proudly say that it does not affect me. No way at all! And it's really true! I am happy where I am now and life has since redirected my course towards a different path.
But I can relate to most of you who failed the Bar Exams for the first time. The first time cuts your heart out. It sucks the breath out of you. It wells you up and you wonder if you still have more tears to shed. Sleepless nights and anxiety. How you wished you could sue the Supreme Court for damages!
I can still recall how difficult it was mustering the courage to pick up the phone and call your parents and tell them yourselves that you didn't make it. I was surprised I was even audible on the phone. It was early in the morning when the results came out. My former boss even opened a bottle of wine in anticipatory celebration. Alas, not everything happens according to plan. I was around 24 at that time and I was hoping to be a lawyer before turning 25. It was in my list of 25 things to do before I die. I eventually comforted myself that I shall live longer instead!
I thought long and hard about why I failed and pointed towards a failed love life as synonymous to a failed Bar exam. Oops.
And then I took it again. Funny, all I could recall during this time was my frequent visits to the nail salon. I think I had my toenails painted in different colors every other week! If I'm not mistaken, this was the year I watched Julia Fordham's concert!
In my third attempt, I distinctly remembered not telling any of my dorm mates that I was actually going to audition in Miss Saigon. I didn't get the part and I didn't pass the Bar either! So much for hitting two birds with one stone.
Alas, I had to take a refresher course. My former classmate was one of my teachers! I studied well this time around. I was serious. Maybe because I have come of age. And this time around I was really bent in passing, if not acing, the Bar. Actually, I had high scores. I have to credit Atty Elizan for this, but my highest score was in Political Law. But then...I am not much a stickler for processes so i messed up my Remedial Law. It brought me down.
After four botched attempts...four review centers...four dormitories...four batches of reviewees...four failures....I am still gunning for it...not now, though.
I am not sure if I am plain stupid or I just have faith in myself that I will eventually pass it. And it's not even for me. The honor and the glory of having an Atty before my name will be for my Nanay and Tatay, who after all these years, still believe that I can make it! They, who never gave up on me when I already gave up on myself. They, who would always reassure me that they still love me despite my failures. They, who moved heaven and earth and gave out their all-out support to see me through.
I am and forever be proud of my parents for inspiring me always to persevere, no matter what.
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