it's hard to maintain sanity with my current preoccupation. i feel like i am falling down into a bottomless pit. just falling. free-falling. i can't wait to land on the ground and just stay there for sometime and sit still. the pull of gravity is of such force that i can feel myself reeling, out of breath, out of control, and paranoid. i feel like i am spiralling down to an escalating descent purging my mind with all sense of reason. my mind is muddled and i cannot think straight. everything seems to be governed by doubts, confusion, vulnerability, and more doubts, confusion, and vulnerability. i am devoid of any warmth and spirit. it is like my spirit has left my body and i am just a thing or object gravitating towards the earth. what i will find at the bottom of the pit is something i just don't know.and this knowledge of ignorance is killing me! i want to know yet i don't want to. i am afraid.