sometimes you wish life is just a grand vacation.no worries, no stress, no pressures, no deadlines, no bosses.how you wish you can just wake up anytime you want, eat and drink at your convenience, dress however you like, not watching how you guffaw or make inappropriate gestures without a care in the world, twirl, jump, play, and mess up your room!sigh. just like when you were a child and you were still unexposed to the rigid and conventional life of an adult, that is, always having to conform to norms. what was it that was robbed from us? our innocence? our childlike qualities? our lack of manners?

hard, yes. but as you grow old, things change. even the way you saw things before.they all change. you try to assess and reassess and reflect and at the end-trail of your thoughts, you wonder what was it you actually thought about. you go to the process of evaluating and assessing and justifying things that you end up not appreciating things just for the way it was. sometimes, things are just best felt and experienced. period. no what-ifs and buts. simple. uncomplicated.which life should be after all.

sigh. i am old and i miss being a child. at times, i just want to go home and be with my mother and father. just want to spend time with them. i want to be cuddled, my hair stroked, my parents telling me stories, my mother singing me lullabies, and just be an obnoxious sister to my brothers and sister.how time flies. and i am now turning 33.

on the other hand, as an adult i have to face my responsibilities. i have to work, pay my rent and all expenses, and save for my wedding. the last item i have been trying to do for the last year but in vain. at night, i would resolve not to get married anymore.the prospect of having a family is even worse thinking about! with the rising cost of living, i have to think whether or not i am responsible enough to bring someone into this world. will my child be raised well? and i still think about these things as i turn 33.

i am paranoid 'cause i want everything to be perfect. but there is no such thing as perfect. and i am only at odds with myself.

how i wish i do not think as much and how i wish i do as much.