i have baffling thoughts these past few days. i was so bored i almost cried one night not knowing what to do! i hurriedly demanded that wewin go back to iloilo. it was a desperate and frustrating attempt because while here i am just nagging and looking for things to do, there he was busy with his commitments and working. for the nth time in my life, idleness is upon me once again.

this constant searching of who i really am and what i want in life still leaves me with no coherent answer. i can still recall sister yasa from dlsu asking me, "what is your passion?" for some it is an easy answer. for me, just confusion and indecision.

i felt i was destined for far greater things, oftentimes incomprehensible to everyone. i run here and there. i want to try this and try that! novelty excites me! traveling to new places and learning about new cultures piques my interest! i love sitting down in a corner and just read! i love spending time with people! oh, and i just love hunting for the best desserts in town! i also like taking photos especially when i am in it and i love creating things out of it! obviously i love expressing my thoughts and dreams to people! i am mushy and easily pleased! if wewin were to give me chowking's pork siomai with nai cha as a gift, i'd be most thrilled! i like playing with my niece, cloie, and enjoy singing nursery rhymes for her! i love baking and cooking! i can't wait for my next belly-dancing workout! did i mention that i am a sucker for body lotions, moisturizers, sunblock protection, lip gloss, and hair products? don't you just feel pampered going to the salon and have your nails done or going to the spa for a hard body massage? so, what's wrong with this picture?

in the movie batman featuring katie holmes as the lady interest of bruce wayne, she made this mind-reeling statement, "it is what you do that defines you." i literally stopped mid-air and with my mouth open, my mind flickered on and off wondering if that statement was a sign from heaven and really intended for me. so i asked myself, "what is it that you do jorvy that can define you?" and i said, "nothing."

and the baffling thoughts wouldn't stop as well as the still desperate and frustrating attempts to make wewin come home.