Ever since I gave birth, I can’t recall any occasion where I had to showcase my still “blooming” post-partum belly with stretch marks and all. Sigh, yes, it is a harsh reality that I have to live with the moment my son came into being. Of course, I wouldn’t trade having a son for a perfectly smooth and taut belly that will leave my hubby salivating and other women grudgingly jealous but…well, sometimes I do miss that.

Me with the Polecats. Yes, i learned poledancing!

Looking at myself at the mirror, I wonder if there is still hope that I can go back to my fighting form. with my stretch marks still making its presence felt, I have since abandoned all hopes of donning my tube top without the risk of looking like a blowfish, and instead, I am focused on the things that I can do, i.e., to camouflage it!

During the baby shower

Ahh, this has become so especially pressing these days as I look forward to my reunion with college friends in Laguna this coming May. Oh good heavens! There will be a pool! Now, no need to panic, dear domestic goddess, I have since gathered some “tools” that will prepare me for this eventual pool parade and pageantry.

Swimsuit

Of course I have to have at least one killer pair of swimsuit! I got this from a friend who got this from Thailand. I know it’s quite revealing but we all need to feel sexy, right? This two-piece number in pink and brown is a combination of daintiness and hotness! But, since the goal is to camouflage, it’s not enough.

Cover-up

How appropriately named! Yes, I will use this over my two-piece swimsuit. And all other swimsuits that I intend to bring. Yep, I do have an extensive collection of bikinis during my waif-thin days. I can’t donate them to charity so I’d rather grin and bear it.

Earrings

The objective of wearing accessories when you’re wearing your swimwear is to hopefully distract the people from staring at your tummy and instead be totally mesmerized at your glittering and humongous hoops!

Scarf or Shawl

Same intention! Redirect attention to your neck. It should be long enough to extend to your tummy area enough to cover it.

Pretty sandals and feet

You need to have colorful nail polish to adorn your toenails and it should be couched in pretty sandals that would appeal even to those without foot fetishes. I’m thinking neon and my new Indian sandals with lots of bling!

Glitzy bag

Thank God for my friend who stayed a long time in Bali, Indonesia – the same friend where I got the swimsuit from – because she’s so in-the-know when it comes to beach fashion! She gave me this glittery fishnet bag that looks so fabulous I could probably be naked and no one will notice me. Err, maybe?

Book

And when all else fails, bring a hardbound book that will serve a dual purpose – (1) a good read will get you busy that you ignore the bemused look on the faces of passersby and (2) hug it tight…and it will be wide enough to cover what you don’t want others to see.

Well, here goes nothing! I’m diving in! Wait…do you think it’s tacky to wear a girdle at the beach? Kidding!